“Cuddles McGish” (parody of Arthur McBride)
by James Hazlerig, March 15, 2005
Performed by Marc Gunn
From CD: Whiskers in the Jar
I knew an old tomcat named Cuddles McGish,
As we were catnapping down by the food dish,
And dreaming of catnip and fine tuna-fish,
We lay sunning ourselves in the morning.
When there came a Rottweiler called Sergeant McGrowl
With a mangy old mixture of shitzu and chow,
And a little Chihuahua called Yippy O’Howell,
With their muddy loud paws in the morning.
Says he, “My fine fellows, if you’ll join our pack,
We’ll go tromp through the puddles and leave a big track,
We’ll tip over the trash-can and rip up the sack,
And chase the postman in the morning.
For a doggie, he always has a thick bristly coat,
And a colorful collar for to hang ’round your throat,
And if you should wander, of your tags they’ll take note,
To bring you safe home in the morning.”
But says Cuddles, “I wouldn’t be proud of your furs,
For you smell like old garbage and you look like old curs,
And your tails are encrusted with sharp sticker-burrs,
That poke at your skin in the morning.
And your collars are nothing of which to be proud,
For our people correct you when you are too loud,
While they only pet us when we have meowed,
And they feed us first thing in the morning.”
But the sargeant he barked, “If I hear one more sound,
We’ll bare our big teeth and we’ll stomp on the ground,
And chase you all over, both upstairs and down,
So now you young kitties, take warning!”
But Cuddles and me, we whipped out our claws,
And we paid our respect to their noses and jaws,
So all those dumb pooches, they took to their paws,
And ran from us cats in the morning.
And the little Chihuahua, with his high piercing bark,
We jumped on his back and we there left our mark,
And clawed him so fierce, you’d think he met a shark,
As he ran yipping home in the morning.
Well, Cuddles, he might have continued the chase,
But the encounter had put all our fur out of place,
So instead we sat down then, to groom face to face,
And get back to our naps in the morning.