Welcome to Kitty Korner. Allow me to introduce myself. I am, Cornelius Beaufort III, or as my humans insist on calling me, Fluffy. (Humiliating, really). I am also, as you might have guessed, a cat. Oh yes, it’s true. I need a human transcriber, of course, simply because I lack an opposable thumb. But, let’s be very clear. I would never, ever, choose to give up my delightfully sharp and versatile retractable claws for a mere bendable appendage! So, I must rely on the help of this fairly capable human to communicate my feline sensibilities with you.
First, it is important to understand, that I am, as a cat, smarter than you. Don’t be offended. It’s not your fault, really. It’s just a fact. We could act ually take over and run the world if we wanted to put in the effort. However, that would severely cut into our nap time, and that is CLEARLY unacceptable. So, we let you humans think that you’ve got it all under control. But, fair warning, you humans need to step up and do a better job, or we cats will have to show you just how versatile these claws can be.
Secondly, we allow you to put on those ridiculous collars, with the frivolous bells, for one reason, and one reason only. So we can control YOU. I’m going to give you a moment to let that sink in…. Are you remembering how you got up at the crack of dawn to feed us, even though you didn’t have to be up for another 2 hours? How about going to the store to get a can of food before coming home from a long day because you knew you could not walk through the door without it? Remember when you were late to work because I decided to grant you the privilege of my presence on your lap? It’s all starting to make sense, isn’t it? Clearly, we have you under our “thumbs” and we don’t even have any!
And lastly, it is true that we do appreciate a warm lap, now and again. But, do know it is by our choosing, and by our choosing only. If we let you sit with us whenever you wanted, we might as well be a…dog! (Hiss!)
Well, all this sharing has exhausted me. So, that is all I will say for now. But, if there is anything that you have been wondering about, or if you have any questions you would like me to clear up for you, please feel free to ask. If I am awake, or deem your question worthwhile, I shall perhaps answer it. If not, next time I shall share with you how, indeed, the world would be a better place if cats ran it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is a patch of sunlight on the carpet that is calling my name (which is NOT Fluffy, thank you very much!)
Cornelius Beaufort III is an exceptional cat and the newest writer for Clan Mreow, the Celtic cat lovers fan club of the Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers music series.